If you want change, make it happen. I wish it was that easy to do. I don't feel that I have grown as a person much in the last few years. I'm not the same as I was in high school, but after that, I've only been one me. I'm attending college but it doesn't mean much. I don't have any friends that I met at school whom I talk to after the course is over. I haven't developed any relationship with my professors. I'm not part of any club or society. I merely step into the school, sit quietly in class, bus my ass back home. Still live at home. Still alone. Still here. Just still.
When people ask me where I met my friends I always feel the need to add that we didn't talk to each other in high school. The one good thing that came out of Bluenotes are people. It's odd that that place is the only one I can think of that brought in some new people into my circle of friends not from high school. Then again, I did live there. I wonder where my next job will be. Frankly, I can't take Kits for a lot longer. Stop asking me why I don't like the beach, I don't ask you why we need a dog running around every where and his dog bed taking up all the room in the tiny little store.
This may sound cold but I don't even feel that death has changed me. Obviously it has effected me and doesn't make me feel all that great... but it hasn't changed how I act. Does that mean I'm strong enough to get through it? or Does that mean that I don't care as much as I should? I almost feel heartless... So I'm sad about not feeling sad enough. Dude, something is wrong with that. Ahh, did that even make sense...
Ps: MSN just doesn't cut it, I don't want you to disappear.
About Me
- sammie
- I'm a tiny little girl at an impressive height of 4'11" I like to eat and sleep and eat and sleep.
8 comments:
If it makes you feel any better, I don't like the beach either. I have Kabourophobia (fear of crabs) and Cochleahphobia (fear of snails and slugs) so I can't go to the beach or walk past the crab tanks at the superstore.
I've made about .. two friends from post-secondary. The rest of my friends that I've made are from you Sams ... I thought after high school I'd make new friends and everything would be dandy. Unfortunately that's just TV and I have to join a sorority or something.
People deal with death differently, some feel deeply effected while others don't. It doesn't make you a cold person at all. At least that's how I look at it. I know what you mean about feeling sad because you don't feel sad enough .. well I worry because I have nothing to worry about ...
P.S. My word verification is ptime .. which to me means poutine time!
living it up, not giving a fuck
-limp bizkit
When someone asks you why you don't like the beach, just say that you really hate getting gross, dirty and sandy simply to enjoy sun that you could be enjoying on your patio and your patio is a mere 10 second walk away from a fridge that is filled with delicious snacks and cool drinks.
And I am not too sure if what I have to say about death and sadness will make sense but I am going to try. Sometimes I worry that I don't feel sad enough about things that have happened too but I think that sometimes its not a constant state of sadness that we live in or should live in but the little things that make us think of that person and whether they make us feel sad or happy or just content about them. It almost doesn't matter how you feel exactly because it's nice just to think about them. :)
Jamie: I did not know that such phobias exist. Do you eat crabs? Maybe if you ate one and realized how delicious they are, you could walk past the tanks = )
I think right when round 1 of midterms are done, we should hit up metrotown!
Meghan: First of all, it's not poutine time enough! We haven't been in a while. Maybe Dak could make us some if he could find where to buy cheese curds HA
I also make friends through Sam, she is a good social source HA She's always being of assistance.
I guess not worrying at all is a worry itself. =/ We humans are so odd.
Mattie: Those are some mighty fine people to quote = )
Sam: Next tie someone asks me a question and I don't have an answer (Danny Fernandez wins this round!), I will come to you asap and you will think of something witty for me = )I told her the sun is horrible for my skin and she told me that it's not out now. Then I said it's cold and she looked at me like it wasn't a real reason.
I like your non constant state theory. I do a lot of thinking.. I like thinking by myself.
Metrotown sounds good Miss Sammie. I have never tried crab. Me and sea creatures don't mix. I hate shrimps with a burning passion - I'm not scared of them though. I ate a slug when I was a baby - I think this triggered the fear. When I was six, I literally jumped out of my keds and ran down the street once because I saw a slug. I was so petrified when I had to run back and get my shoes - I thought slugs were living in them.
PS I hope you are feeling better :)
I will not force then.. but if you ever want to give it a try, may I request that I be there = ) I am a wonderful candidate because of the following reasons
a) I am encouraging and supportive
b) I am able to eat a lot and willing to let you watch me eat it as many times as necessary for you to feel comfortable eating it yourself
c) If you do not eat it (which is ok!), I will eat it so we won't be wasteful
d) I am able to provide wonderful commentary for experiences like these (reference: sam epp)
LOL!!! I'll call you (well call Miss Epp to call you) if I ever chose to go hog wild at crab fest at the Red Lobster or the Keg - don't hold your breath though.
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