live it up

If you want change, make it happen. I wish it was that easy to do. I don't feel that I have grown as a person much in the last few years. I'm not the same as I was in high school, but after that, I've only been one me. I'm attending college but it doesn't mean much. I don't have any friends that I met at school whom I talk to after the course is over. I haven't developed any relationship with my professors. I'm not part of any club or society. I merely step into the school, sit quietly in class, bus my ass back home. Still live at home. Still alone. Still here. Just still.

When people ask me where I met my friends I always feel the need to add that we didn't talk to each other in high school. The one good thing that came out of Bluenotes are people. It's odd that that place is the only one I can think of that brought in some new people into my circle of friends not from high school. Then again, I did live there. I wonder where my next job will be. Frankly, I can't take Kits for a lot longer. Stop asking me why I don't like the beach, I don't ask you why we need a dog running around every where and his dog bed taking up all the room in the tiny little store.

This may sound cold but I don't even feel that death has changed me. Obviously it has effected me and doesn't make me feel all that great... but it hasn't changed how I act. Does that mean I'm strong enough to get through it? or Does that mean that I don't care as much as I should? I almost feel heartless... So I'm sad about not feeling sad enough. Dude, something is wrong with that. Ahh, did that even make sense...

Ps: MSN just doesn't cut it, I don't want you to disappear.

doo dads

After doing some brief googling, I've decided that I do not mix well with html codes and all those doo dads. Also, what is up with all the different font sizes? Who knows what the shiz I'm doing. I've thought about trying to figure it all out because that's what I would do if I were still high school. I also don't feel it wise to step into this technological world because I don't have photoshop anymore. True, it was a very old version of photoshop, but at least I had stuff to play around with. As most of you know, my PC died a while back and was stated unrevivable, I think Nicks exact words were "epic fail".

So I now have this home basic something Dell Windows Vista shit. Out of no where the screen will turn blue with horizontal strips, then two seconds later it restarts itself. In addition to random restarts, the keys malfunction in word. What comes out on the screen does not in any way match the little picture on the key that I pressed. I want to get a Mac Book because it is small and pretty. I'm sure my money can be better invested, but I'm also sure that I will have one before the semester is over. I will not wait till September for some student deal to get a free printer and iPod or something like that. I just don't allocate money the same way Jess does. I can not justify things of all price ranges like she does, brand name shit or fake eyelashes.

And oh yeah, I'm obsessed ...

who you going to call?

Went to watch Ghostbusters last night with Phil at Empire Theatres on Granville downtown. We planned to watch the first show at 7P but holy shit, people are insane. We got there before 630P and it was already sold out so we bought tickets for the 930P showing. At least this way we got to eat at Cafe Crepe! I was pretty excited because last time I wanted to eat there, Mattwanted to eat at McDonalds. It was the first time I had a burger there, was pretty good. They have the best fries after Cactus Club.

After dinner, we still had time to kill but it was really cold so we wanted to go to warm places hah Chapters and HMV is the answer! It was brought to my attention that I'm not sure what my Chapters card does for me but I kept going and the kept asking so I said sure and signed up. In addition to coupons, I get a different discount on different books. So I'm saving something and not getting points. Come on, I know you all care. Phil bought Wicked, hope it's good so I can borrow it. It just reminds me of Ugly Betty, hurray for television!

On to HMV. As we know, Phil loves musicals, so we were looking for a West Side Story box set. This brings me to boys having trouble with asking for help. What is up with that? It saves time and keeps down the confusion. Plus, these people are getting paid to give us customer service. So I left Phil wandering around in the game section and approached a HMVer. Then BAM! West Side Story in my hands.

The movie itself was pretty sweet. I haven't watched many movies from the 80's but I think it's safe to say that I enjoy them. My favourite things was the Stay Puft marshmallow man. It's hard to not think of anything! The theatre was nicer than I thought it would be. We didn't expect the screen to get larger when the movie started like in our fancy theatres now, but it did and it was magical.

Hopefully off to study for stats now...

movies

I'm considering not watching any movie that could possibly turn out to have a sad ending instead of talking about my feelings. I can sit there and not cry everytime some one dies.. but I don't want to think about it.

Going to watch Ghostbusters tonight with Phil, we'll see how that goes. I mainly want to watch it because I don't remember a thing about it. It's one of those things that I should know about but don't, like how to play Big2.

K, I'm off now.

Fresh Kicks

After going to J2s Sneakerbox, I've been looking up sweet sneaks because I clearly don't have enough. The first pair that I picked up were purple high tops with Velcro made with corduroy material. Now if you know me and have seen my wardrobe, that is everything that I love in one convenient product. I also saw a pair of kids Etnies which had a large Velcro patch over the front with laces on the strap; it has laces, but it's Velcro! Man, I really love Velcro. The purple shoe was men's and the Etnies didn't come in kids size 2.

I've never owned a pair of Reebok's, but I would like these to be my first pair. It doesn't get better than money on your shoes and dice laces. I am not the biggest fan of Monopoly but I love these shoes. (Let us recall that time at Sam's where I only had one piece of property, also called the first time I met Meghan!) Not that I would ever fit these large men's shoes, but I enjoy looking at them over the Internet and wanting to purchase them. Why are men's shoes so much more amazing? It's nice to dream every now and then. Other things that I dream of buying are all the CDs in the world, every new Apple product that comes out and Candyland. = )

I never knew that I would like wearing flats until I finally gave in. My major complaint, which I'm sure is the same for a lot of girls, is that they get sweaty. It feels almost as gross as it sounds. Some one should some how invent non sweaty flats. I counted and I have 5 pairs of flats, 4 pairs of high tops and who knows how many more pairs of regular sneakers and sandals. I know that it isn't nearly as much as the collection some other people have but things like this make me feel that I live my life unnecessarily excessive. Imagine all the money I could have spent towards a Mac Book instead.. Or all the food that could have been bought.. Or all the extra money I would have saved for a rainy day. Sometimes it feels too easy to bitch about spending money on school and too easy to drop a bill or two at the mall.

**the purple shoes are womens and sam told me about them before she even read my post! amazing!

copy and paste

I have to admit, sometimes I close my eyes or enter a room and think that when I open my eyes and exit that I'll be in some other universe or time. Now I know that that is not going to actually happen, but having that little ray of insanity (I swear, it's just a little tiny ray...) keeps me sane. So as I walk back to my dreaded stats class from the washroom, my mind shows me a glimpse of a world where everyone I love is there, I've already established a career that I love, coffee is a food group, time can be frozen for up to five minutes and people can fly. It all sounds ridiculous but that world would be so sweet that I can sit in class for an other hour with nice little thoughts in my head that keep me going and awake to take notes about sampling and bias. Eventually I realize that I'm crazy and I'm waiting for the 100 bus to go home; everything real sets in and it's back to earth. Tiny sparks of sanity keep me going; even if it's only for a little while. I wonder what I will dream about next...

Speaking of dreams, do those things mean anything? They have to mean something right? Just makes me wonder . . . Does it mean that I want my dream to come true or that I was simply thinking about the subject earlier that day in some other context? This is clearly the part of my writing where I spit out questions and think that it will lead to answers somehow.

On a brighter note, I finally got my present from Dak and it's amazing! Vosges chocolates are specialty chocolates with exotic flavours such as Venezuelan white chocolate with dried kalamata olive. My favourite is 45% deep milk chocolate with applewood smoked bacon and alderwood smoked salt.